Thursday, 27 December 2018


My ability to bounce remains intact, it seems. Somewhere around the Solstice turning point I did indeed turn. An almost magnetic reversal turn. I actually heard my own advice - as written in my last post here - and decided to rebel against the sadness. Only that doesn't quite do it justice. There's more fire than that. More determination. More middle finger, "not THIS woman" about it.

There's nothing in this whole world that can be made better by my being depressed and sad and defeated, I finally accepted. Nothing and no one. If I'm happy and open-hearted...well, who knows how far the ripple effect can go?

What's different this time is how I'm looking at that happiness. I'm removing judgement from how I achieve it. I've spent some time sitting back and watching myself and what lifts me, then refusing to beat myself up because it's not volunteering at a soup kitchen or reducing my wardrobe to three items. All respect to people who do that stuff and find peace and efficacy there, it's amazing, but I am not one of them and I have to get real about this shit. I want my life back.

I started with Instagram. Who do I always look at and watch on Stories? Especially the ones I return to and watch again. Who puts a spring in my step and leaves me happier, more optimistic and ready to be a positive influence myself? It's @roofusandkilo, it's @briannamadia, it's @(insertanyoneonthe SunshineCoast and for some reason people I follow keep moving there which is salt in my wounds people but still makes me happy) and yes, of course, it's @jvn. This one made my heart burst in the best way. There are others but you get the drift. They make me smile and they heal me, ready to face a world that can be cruel and heartbreaking.

It's been a few years since I've done the Word of the Year thing, mostly because I have the sticking power of teflon so there wasn't much point, but this year a word just landed in my head and lit the place up. It's not what I would have predicted but damn it, it's perfect in all the ways. It reminds me to live, love and stay lit up. It feels like freedom to me, from my self-imposed 'should's and 'ought-to's that weren't even working.

I want happy, juicy, rich, abundant, loving, compassionate, alive. I want all the colours, all the scent, all the flavours and all the songs. All the heat, all the feelings and all the comfort. I want to know that whatever the future brings, we are still alive and kicking and when we're happy we power up the universe.

So my word of the year is Desire. I may already have engaged with it but who the hell needs to wait?

Happy new year to you. xx


  1. I love this. So much. I like the idea of liking what you like and wanting what you want. <3

    Happiest of new years to you too...xoxo

    1. As long as we live kindly and gently, I think it’s perfectly right to just be who we are. I’m glad you are who you are. Xx

  2. "when we're happy we power up the universe".... now that is something i find tremendously comforting and beautiful. sod the "should" and "ought to" stuff. things have to feel right for us individually in order for them to work. my email has a signature quotation that says, "what makes us happy makes us wise", and i do believe that. it doesn't mean what anaesthetises us, though; lots of folks mistake buying stuff and doing things that make them transiently happy by anaesthetising them for happiness. but happiness is a deeper thing. real joy lights us up. it can travel with great sorrow. it is the thing that makes us turn back toward life. and desire is a fine word to bring the fire into life, hey?

  3. So true. That quotation is perfect, I will carry it with me. Thank you. X